We have a number of pithy and irrelevant merchandise to sell which advertise a useless logo and our faces. But we think, you will particularly enjoy our beer mats, funky tie clips, seasonal snowdomes, fragile keyrings and of course the sought after “Carry on Smiling Tour 2019” T-shirts as modelled below, which come in a range of colours and sizes as long as it is large and white (sheer filth!).

Percy Veer Toilet Roll – Roll up, roll up. Come grab yourself a bargain. Exclusive to the fan club only. Your very own Percy Veer Band Toilet Roll that kisses, like the music, all of your intimate places.

On sale now: £11.99
Buy two, get the cardboard bit in the middle free.

Long sleeve Percy Veer T-shirt – Why not be the first to own this exclusive long-sleeve Percy Veer Band T-shirt. Currently available exclusively in Selfridges and Harrods and Primark.

On sale now: £76.99
Buy two, get two

Percy Veer Gym Shirt – Want to impress the man in the gym? Then why not get casually equipped with this sporty looking gym shirt. It can’t promise to help you lift weights but it certainly will help you percy veer.

On sale now: £59.99
Just buy one

Percy Veer Gym Set – We can’t all have bodies like the model, but we can own one of these quality Percy Veer Gym Sets with which to pump your iron.

On sale now: £259.99
Limited availability (but model definately available)

Percy Veer Pocket Watch Style – Are you going to a wedding, perhaps a day at the races, or even, a regatta at Henley? Then you are going to need this bespoke Percy Veer Pocket Watch Style suit.

On sale now: £129.99
Model not included

Percy Veer Lunch box – Whether it is a spam sandwich or a chilled bottle of bubbly this Percy Veer Lunch Box packs more than Linford Christie. Why not treat yourself and enjoy a good mouthful.

On sale now: £39.99
Available in other colours

Percy Veer Mug – Why not have a lovely cup of Percy Veer Band. Impress your office colleagues with this ceramic masterpiece and never leave it out of your sight because we know that thieving admin will have it away quicker than an unlocked Porsche.

On sale now: £21.99
Loads available